life ...unpredictable and fickle as ever.!!

statutory warning: this makes for a realy really long read.. so get your coffee.. read it only if you dont know how to waste away your time... and have only my poor inconsequential life to feed on.. which i so lovingly dish out. and you so hungrily lap up...

 

Where do I start?? My moods screwed definetly  Well I’m back with my most soo common scewed up mood  and in murdering mood rite now.. soo unpleased soo frustrated soo annoyed soo sad soo pissed off ,life was blissful till yesterday.. fact is that I was happy enough ,suddenly my Somewhere down the line.. being the 'nobody loser' has become the bottom line of my life... I mean, I fail to see the silver lines in the 'sundriness' of my luck... and my God-forsaken life... … Don’t know what to make of it, is this how it was to turn out… frankly I had never asked for the write up thing to happen… but when it did, it blows up on my face… what for?? I don’t Know… where is the silver lining… where is the cloud… humph… such is life… they say… is it wrong to hope?? Wrong to have expectations??

But then again I bounce back, coz life leaves you with no other option but to trudge along even if it means that your sole wears out in the long run up to the coveted life that we all dream off... Such is life

This life is really mysterious .twist .with whom u feel goo great feeling well they only makes us in terrible unhappy situation where heart says. .something, mind says something and mouth speaks something.

Sometimes you do wish to become oblivious to certain things of your life, pull the blinds to certain aspects but you cling on to what hurts you the most... the sadist and the cynic laugh out loud... things go bad once and you start picking on old wounds again, forgetting that you'l still carry the scar... and everything bleeds and singes... I do at times forget all that holds me down in my life, and prepare to fly only to remember that I need the earth too... Probably right now I sound all mixed up and dont make sense... but that is how muddled up i am... A precarious case of nerves, who lives on the extremes and still looks for ambivalence... 

“Thing is that i like that person soo much” .. still no matter what this feeling prevails me Possessiveness comes when there is fear Of losing A loved One, not Because they don't trust U, but because they cant imagine A life without that person. here come two thing being in possessiveness and trusting person how can I elaborate how much I do but whenever we goes in this discussion about love life and debate   friendship past relations aah  blaa blaa ..cold wars starts and situation quite tensed to handle out of hands..to keep in control.. emotion flows oh yes emotions flows.  As my line says “Sometimes The depth of Human Emotions Overshadows The Mind in Control, A maze of Emotions Encloses My Thoughts; My Very Soul,Only leaving a breathless Motion,The decision to Only Move On 

..” believing to your's thinking ability and making sure u must succeed with that person. i mean her..if feeling is true go for it without asking anything . damn this . what to do this possessiveness well alwz be dere with a man.how olds he becomes where jealousy is being with girls why not this with boys. .i wish thing comes to normal and life goes to rewind button for me  and play from where it ends ,

Ps :Hoping my soliloquy turns out be to an interesting read in the next post..thanks for  reading out my sorry for the hiatus... torturing   English .. .. this post is really horrible one I know !!

wid alredy strains of bengali genes runnin in our oriya blood...also karnad..nxt probably wil be gujju, punjabi... all said its gonna be fun...watchin the communication gap....."shabdon me kyaa hai, bhawanaon ko samjho"....

 But life will be life... unpredictable and fickle as ever... and we'd be just caught adjusting to the vicissitudes …well i’m becoming more matured day by day.. I feel. Yeh zindgayi bhi kitni ajeeb hai kavi hasati hai kavi kavi ummm Aankho mein Aansoo lati hai..per yeh zindgayi bhi kitni ajeeb hai. Whom u likes no matter what u will like it after some much of everything anything that doesn’t matter kyunki yaaro pyaar Andha hota hai love is blind u know..

Uff  yeh jealousy trust and possessiveness all in same route leads to traffic jam and rite now in discomfort zone. Hopefully I will find out other route to be comfort zone.:)

Mojood Thi Udaasi..... Abhi Pechli Raat Ki.

Behla Tha Dill Zara Sa Ky Phir Raat Ho Gai.

GOOd Night :)

 
till then cya.:)

The reprieve...well that i'm been lookin for quite sometime now..:)

reprieve..well that is what I have been looking for quite sometime now... A break from the life that I am leading... Probably things ain't that bad, or but you know what they aretill you see them on your face like some really disgusting face pack... Wish i could write a bit of poetry... but if wishes were horses, I'd be the stable owner... everything eludes me... marks, love, luck, poetry, good sense blah blah... the ability to talk utter shit alll the time, to sound witty, to sound profound... god damn everything... hmmmmm... 

Just managed 4 hours of sleep last night... and now i have a splitting head ache... have'nt studied the whole day... morning 6, i get up to study something ... 7:40, I'm plonking off on my bed...sleeping till 8:30 getting up only to do a pending assignment... and then I'm caught smiling to myself.... and by the afternoon swearing, at my vestigial, good-for-nothing tongue (I hope you get flow..is it laminar or turbulent) ohh man, I am TIRED.... TIred of my life, I am so looking forward to my surveying trip of summer vacation.. I really want to fare well in this semester... but the way my nerves seem to be working God knows... ANd even dad seems to have noticed my constant crankiness and my disgruntlement with everything around me... PUHLZZ bear with me... its all a passing phase and I hope to get out of it.... real soon... grab a good book..read alot of poetry...have alot of time to myself... wallow in grief happiness whatever...endless introspections, retrospections.... meanderings, broodings... i look forward to it all.... life for now sucks like hell.... I screw it up like always, who lends me the screwdriver.... somebody keep it out off reach... plz...for now ciao

ahhh so well, the feeling of being mediore just seems to be resounding back again and again.. The pre placement talk in our collage and seminar been attended with in 2 weeks all IT companies top most companies in our country oho gives me the feeling of being from outter space, with the loud talk on some gibberish computer language and how my fellow batchmates have figured things out so well in their lives and ofcourse their pompous asses just fart their way through the ramble.

Apart from all of the material aspect to being all to myself, I'd like to fend all for myself. Learning to live in a new city, meeting new people who are not even remotely related to my past. I'd want a new beginning starting from scratch. From finding my own accommodation, to locating the local kirana store, to finding a good book store or/and library and a cafe. and internet to know some updates.. And I guess I'd not want any men in my life then, at least nobody I could reach out to immediately, I'd want to deal with my own upheavals, my own happiness, cross roads on my own without this instinctive grab for an arm (my hand does have a mind of his own), ask my friends.

So lets come to reality now..well Life has not been smooth for me. will that what life it is for every one.and its  all about I have one chance to repay back my last sem hopeless performance is to perform in this sem..will this will make me some relief & I’m desperate time to perform..its high time now. Not taking stress not taking pain and not taking some much of negative from this sem.. I need to work hard simplest thing I can do than to think about my future..!

i sign out now, if there is some spellin.mistakes.just . manage it guys cheers :)

ps: just trying to figure out what next turn my life takes till then enjoyin my 2 days bed rest as sufferin from knee injury.. and viral :)hope i vl get well soon:)