Felling Being a Shame to my generation :-]

so ohkey two days for september and I still have'nt done anything fruitful...on top of that I'm playing truant.. Frankly I really want to do some real concrete work but all that i end up doing is searching really inane topics on environment.. And reading one journal after another... and i still dont know what kind of work is expected outta me... God save my requitors... Anyways getting on with it I'm finally doing a bit of socializing... ohh i so need it... First meeting with an old school friend and I realize how socially awkward I've become... I turn into this spastic suffering from acute speech retardation... Anyways that friend of mine is a complete blabber mouth so its a feat in itself if you can actually string together a complete sentence... so yaa getting on with it, we were also joined by another of her friends who like her was a bong.. and the result a bengali tirade over momos, chicken drumsticks, chocolate tart and truffle... and some random recollection of some random mithun, shanto some ghosh some anirban... imagine me..the odd one out..so okey i understand bengali and “ammi ektu ektu bangali bol ti pari kintu tah mane na” “amma ki ai rakam gupshup bhalo lage”... hope I got that right if i didnt spare me bengalis... you are the proverbial bhadra lok... accept the humble apologies of an oriya (no we are not called odiyan or odissi...god knows what they'll come up with the next time around)... so why the title of the post "What a shame"... well the diatribe or rather the rhetoric of the two bong bombshells made we realise what a shame I was to my generation..here are a few reasons..

• I still get back home after socialising at 6:30 and that is in the evening (shameful i know)
• I hardly have a social life.. I'm usually a spoil sport to any outings other than places my place or near my college.. i know I behave no less than an animal at times but bhubnaeswar is surely not my jungle
• “Madira ka sevan aaj tak nahi kiya gaya hai.”LOL  wines. neither am i a rolling stone... although I guess I know most of the jargonary attached to it... and no not even a drag from a hookah soa ciggy is out of the question...
• Well i turned more than 21+ now  and I don't have any past relationship to boast off. just had once  but that gone into sides lines although I miss her ..anyways but only mortifyingly embarassing incidents that I till date continue to regret... I've had my emotions being trampled on mercilessly.. Ahh you need to build up the melodrama...not even a “date” that I can tell my kids about... =D
• and my sartorial knowledge is shameful... so i'm not only a shame to the generation but a shame to the male species too..
• and yaa not even stepped into A maacho type Man....(Sal man ) not even spider man nor batman :-]what my friends had become now, just being a normal guy(Amul paalekaarr) ichi ichi  such a shame  to my “Mardangi “
• Till now no “struggle” with this rebellious life too what I ‘m today only because of my parents  ichi :-( . 

aint these reasons enough to be called a shame... well i've become unabashed shameless person.. my friends have so tried to change me.. and succeded to a certain extent but i guess i'm beyond repair now.. Old habits die hard.. And anyways my friends plan to get me drunk on my birthday lets see.. I 'm still in two minds about the whole evolutionary process ... So its a battle between Darwin's survival of the fittest (does my untarnished history finally get botched ..) and Lamarck's Natural Selection (or this is how I was always meant to be)... Jo jeeta wohi sikandar... Mind you i'm not talking about Sikander Kher and Mithan da son new movie comin "now he will do comedy " oh god ( as in 'finding Nemo') after Mimoh's atrocious debacle on the Silver Screen with his movie 'Jimmy'... For people low in BQ ( bollywood quotient) Mimoh is our very own Disco Dancer Mithun Chakravorty's son..( Mithun da please read Chetan Bhagats 3 mistakes, hope that acts as detterent enough to stop you from making any more movies,  .. Life is cruel irrespective of whether it is real or reel... I think I’m drunk  now  lines making me embarrassing after readin this so what u people must be going through ohoo god such a torture. I know guys what to just heal with it else have some rasgolasss :-]..

Ps: life is been blissful getting such a beautiful “parents” thanks to that Almighty Me blissed who had given me such a caring parents and guided me in my every sphere of life till now well it’s not a feeling of  being shame it’s a feeling of being protected I fill still been treated like a baby ha ha  .

Now I’m getting it why our parent’s guide us more when we grow up more . I was to my generation..here although I feel shame that I hadn’t done anything in life apart from living a normal way than to live like a “insane” Nor  also ashamed for living this "Normal life"  only becaz of my parents .

So if by listening to my parents guidelines to live a normal life than to be Macho and enjoy life with Hookaa’s on my right hand and “laandiya”  on my left side.”faaizal khan” :-]] well this line is just the credit  by watching that wonderful stupendous movie (Gangs of wassespur-2). and being not be shame then let it be .. will I happily want to continue being unabashed shameless person to this society  than to see my parents fill bad for me..

Guys September comes now it’s the month of birthday’s its special month for me as some achievements in past I got and I like it becaz all my close friends birthdays comes this month and  celebrations ,being a hindu all puja’s starts from  this month onwards ONAM already gone which alwaz comes on sept...I wish May this September brings #peace and success to each and everyone’s life and May this world be in peace and all get placed in any company as this new season starts for fresher placements .

Well till then ciao till October to come :-] all be safe and don’t be shameless person like me enjoy ur life to the fullest all but in a constructive way and listen to u’re parents what they say even those lecture’s I also fill hard to digest to  heal  its little painful but what to do...in future we all will also pass through the same phase to care our kids LOL soo kuch sunlenge tha future mein wahi line repeat karne mein there won’t be any problem he he :-] 

When Heart Speaks ..:]

The girl I last loved “

 statutory warning: this makes for a realy really long read.. so get your coffee.. read it and have good time pass . so enjoy this beautiful feelings in this world well i'm sure all have gone through this phase soo...  have only my poor inconsequential life to feed on..

 which i so lovingly dish out and you so hungrily lap up... cheers here we :=)

 

Well the heading title says something but I’m here to just share my experience with this beautiful feeling in this world every one goes through this similar phase.. it ‘s a  very known factor its clearly senses about the past relation of my to the very  Precious feelings in this world. Its love . :-] And we may have our definition of defining this feeling in our own way of styles and thought for people to people in every person have very perceptions for this great feeling .for me love is emotion its not choice whether to be with be fallen in love or to stay together its just comes naturally ..well everyone  fall in love in this world every one goes through the same tunnel.

There is no exact time no exact place no exact situation in which we can clearly say I want have love in my life and to that person.. as there is saying love happens automatically and how we fallen for that person we never know before we releasing and started asking stupid question to ourselves Are we in love ? :-]

Love ?..when in love everything begin to look beautiful ,every dreams seems to comes true

Every goal change direction and even the wind changes it of course …:] eyes search for color’s

Ha ha and even Red starts to look nice Every moment every time always there is only one name in the lips..(I guess someone is smiling now ). And when  feeling   deep for each other both of them are in other world. Anyways and after it all goes everything U  go in different way .

Nothing to say more all the thought process is same but the hurting remains the same for  each and every person in this world..

it always feels nice when people heed your complaints against them, when your anger bothers them, your sadness  your happiness does.... who are not judgemental even if you tell them the most embarrresing of fiascos, of your decisions and choices gone wrong... and you can throw your weight and tantrums and your crankiness around them, without the fear that they'd get really pissed at you... happily bear with all the shit you dole out to them... and then accept your uncalled for apologies... it feels gooeeyly good... 

 she was very nice ,very curious  very sweet sometimes very violent sometimes very jealous very protective she was i don't know what went wrong..but i miss her  .i mean everything that a guy wants she was my support .it feels great when she was with me.those days will never come but it always feels nice about those days if I re back my cute memories as we know  when relationship shattered from linkup to break up  all those memories those beautiful moments just comes in one flash in front of our eyes.

and there is a funny line when relationship breaks “every one becomes lovers to poet, philosopher all started giving opinion about so call love” anyways ... 

And also taking time out for you from their busy schedule...even if that means replying to your messages at gaps of almost an hour, in which you are growing increasingly frustrated... but reply they do... taking in all your unreasonable whinyness... showing you reason from the unreasonable... making you laugh when you need to the most ... making you believe that its still not the end of the world.. to stop crying over your sordid life, because it is the only thing you can call your own and make the most of... Debating philosphies on 'love, friends & #' *wink*wink* till the wee hours of the night... dissecting each and every layer of the befuddlement all of the three lead to... and then calling you boring "ohh you know you put me off to sleep"... and then loling away... and then asking you to sleep because its already late... ha ha.. J

It makes you feel so nice and bothered for, thank you so much for the feeling... I think putting all of it into words will be a herculean task for me... All I can say is I was gratified to have a friend like her...in love  :]

Those days will never comes..  but miss her it happens to every one and what effort we may put it for those relationship its not in our hand its all god choice and its all our destiny 

Which can’t meant to be even if we try to hard it breaks for some moment of time looks like everything is just so perfect but finally trust ,understanding faith all matter and when both meant for each other no matter in no one can stop them to be with each other for forever..

Well love is very sweet feeling its all patient and kind its never jealous ,never rude nor selfish it’s a great feeling no offense and just care for that special person in your life with no pleasure in other people sins but delights in the truth and its always ready to endure  whatever comes .

Things happening and happening for reason of what I don’t have any clue ..well Ever been caught in a quagmire where in you've fallen for a person, who accepts you only as a friend and that too not for the sake of offending you but because he genuinely values your companionship but can't really take things to another level or rather change the definition of the relationship you share.things have changed really in no times .. I'm so sure everybodys had had to go through such a phase in some point in time. and what adds to your misery is that even if you want to get out of the friendship you cant for the emotional support you are to the person and he or she is to you. It is tough accepting reality especially when it makes you see things in such perspective wherein you can't even let go and have to keep on anchoring such dillemas... discussing about her life and soo past relations..

And on top you have your conscience advising you to break off the friendship cause you didn't want a platonic friendship in the first place and therefore making do with it would only hurt in the end. But does there neccesarily need to have a culmination? Why is it so tough just going with the flow? there are so many things our your life that we want to work out the way we want them to, but they never do. And there are times when we just want to let go of the person, do whatever we can on your part to make the other person happy, more like self-inflicting yourself with a lot of pain. the emotional morass by the end of it, makes you wonder whether it would ahve been better to have heeded to your friends advice. She was perfect anyways  nothing I can do if something well will be shattered . I like her always . and I miss her  that’s the only thing I can say…the girl I last loved I didn’t have clue was that love or just the sweet feeling and being support for that person  finally she just move away in her life its oki I was her choice as I said for me its all emotion it’s not a  choice .. well it was great experience it happens with every one and I’m just belong to that crowd.!

After having seen my friends go through a lot of shit in their lives because of what us dim wits call love... And having gone through a similar phase myself, it only makes me laugh at myself and others at the sheer stupidity of putting yourself through this rut... this quicksand... which only saps away all your happiness... All when you so bloody know the persons so not worth it all... Be selfish for Christ's sake... Its just one life that you have... Don't make yourself go through all of this when you know the person does not even care two hoots about you... 

Probably you've had the best of memories and he/she makes your world go round but you know its high time these dizzying revolutions need to stop... Its your present that matters and your future... When you know the persons not ready to go that extra mile why force the individual... What is the use when you are not getting your due, all when you are giving yourself completely away... True love is only an illusion... The problem being we always see love and everything remotely related to it with rose tinted glasses... those little gestures start meaning so much... When most of it is complete hogwash.. Most of what you see is just the milk and roses side the real picture does get sordid by the end of it all... The edicts read, in love don't expect anything in return.. Do anything to see the other person happy... is so completley incredulous and incredible how these things came up in the first place... The truth being when you love you want the same in return... Love is not charity although it begins at home... Learn to love yourself... No use questioning yourself... as to why me? Why now? Why all of this? Whats happened? Where did I go wrong? It only adds to what you are already going through...  

Probably I on my part having gone through all of this, am trying and acting like this wise old soul whose gone selfish to the core but that is the only thing that'll keep you happy and is saving me so much of the trouble... I still don't have the answers to the questions but I do have the solution and that is to move on... I know its easier said than done... but crying and boohooing does not help your case... Stop waiting for those calls and messages... Stop blaming yourself for it... And please don't try to prove a point to that individual... it does not help... it only shows how you still obsess about him/her... And you know you truely move on, when the persons voice is like white noise, when you go oblivious to the persons presence even when he's standing right next to you... You don't feel the need to check on his/her profile or the pics... when you can skim through your list of contacts and not stop at his/her name and continue staring... That is when you move on... it takes ages to move on, but the more time you take the more you laugh at yourself when you recount all of this... Such is life they say... So be happy and make merry... For somethings are just not meant to be... and like they say "there are reasons why some people never make it to your future"... 

Ps: just cutting down on my sentimentalism... sigh... hols have started.. and hoping life just gone on with some new experiences in life :]

to fall in love..is the best feelin.."but don't expect more in love..more u expect more u vl cry hurt  urself..

 @ thanks smita ji for making me write ..and your books rocks:]
I miss U dear hope where ever you are just remember me .god bless U altime.

don’t what made me write this... I guess i feel very liberated right now... Don't know till how long will this feeling continue... its just a thought .. soo if anyone  hurts.then sorry:-]