My dumb skull low confidences life :-)

Just can't find proper title to this post so added this ;)

With nothing to do in the Night session and I don’t find any sleep  trying lamest of tricks..

To be in bed closing my eyes but unable to feel sleepy to thought be share some stuffs who knows after some days i won't be able post if any busy schedules comes life is uncertain..anyways. hey thanks friends for lot of appreciation in my last post..

Just want to write some stuff which were Printing in my dumb skull rite now some of the stories about my reclusive life dumb low confidence life well every body would have gone through the same phase of life something what we want to do we can't so why we can't are we nervous the stage fear ?okk but for what.. same stories also happened with  me :-) and we all knows how to gain it again and be confident with a char mastic smiles :-)

Here We goo..Things have happened in the last couple of  months, which have in a way made me realise how vocal chord deprived I’ve become…And increasingly so… I’m realizing how I no longer seek company rather shun away from any kind of interaction..Probably its not self ostracization as I’m putting it to be..its just my reticence…I’m really bad conversationalist (do I see somebody smiling…) especially on the phone, most of my conversations don’t go beyond 10 minutes or so… Lucky for the person whose calling me…Just once did it get stretched to half an hour or so…that too when I was talking to this friend of mine on the sorry state of affairs of the Indian primary education system, reservations et al… For on my part I never really call people up… and I know most of friends hold grudges against me for the same... why I don’t call them through phone..my school friends especially..I know its irksome, but my political correctness or rather my indifference more than saves me...

To tell you the truth I think I've just got too used to writing that I've forgotten the real thing.. and I'm very bad at making myself heard, God Knows how I save myself during the vivas...its worse when I want to talk on things close to my heart..but of course nobody is saved any of diatribe when it comes to issues of respecting women, an egalitarian society being still an illusion, capital punishment, women enpowerment etc etc..you are getting the flow I guess But even that was there back in school, I still have'nt found that kind of an audience in college so to say... ALso one of the major reasons for this kind of a behaviour is low self confidence. sometimes even self-defloration...what is the reason behind such a sad case of personality disorder is an incident that happened in my 8th standard wherein I screwed up my ass while reading the news headlines for morning session and comments me as if I’m doing commentary  and a some  Debating competition in my school time. Where I kept pronouncing a  particular word wrong (true to my oriya roots)...That just kept on adding to the nervous breakdown I was already anchoring for myself... and then a tick off from my class teacher  and my house lead head boy of my batch who from that day on never made an effort to make it easy for me to be part of the class, constantly leaving me out of everything related to Hindi..that kinda left an indellible imprint on me..my oh god my self confidence was never the same ever again... It was a downfall like nothing else, from being a decent enough public speaker in junior school to a loser in senior. people say public memory is short, but what about my memory??while after schools when I join university  I did recuperate after that, doing well in academics decent enough in debating ,quizzing  got some of appreciation and awarded too  speaking to my level best “trying my best “ but as I said I wasn’t at my 100% my oratory skills were never the same ever again. And that is why I love my school mates so much, they've stood by me helping me in getting back my self worth, their constant appreciation..that it was not the end of the world ..that there was so much more to me... and my teachers who later came along, especially my principal sir my maths teacher  and english teachers  kanta mam from childhood ,rita mam, shrabani ma'am and my  computer  teacher  niranjan sir ,my games teacher  to our hindi mam from class 3th to my 10th standard .. They've had so much of love for me and their belief in my potential... God knows where I'd be without them... I miss them. But I miss one man the way  he tells me  the he speaks  out  and and boast up confidences sometimes I just get sacred of him with his thundering tone  not only me its my batch most of my mates fav. teacher  well he is in RIP now never the less his memories and his stunned speech sometimes reflects on my ears . great  samal sir.!

So anyways getting on with it... You know I could actually start on of those agony aunt sessions in the newspapers..even i astound myself at my profoundness... but that too comes out only when I'm on those chat sessions with my friends.. I guess after that incident I've never properly recovered my voice..lost that lil voice inside me too... And ofcourse I suffer from a different kind of dyslexia so to say, where in I have all those wonderfully intellectual sentences reeling inside my head but all that comes out is nothing less than puke...Its in the rarest of rare occasions that i actually sound impressive rather like a pseudo intellectual..as its been an 2 yrs since actually sound impressive trying to be confident happy with the recents PPT sessions with mock Pi and talk about of myself ,group discussion things just started coming in the way now J I have this side to myself which constantly tries to emulate such an image.. I guess i just want to sound like a know-it-all...I want to know my international politics (from the castros to the Mugabes to the Ang Sang Suu kyi), my books (from the motorcycle diaries to twilight in Delhi..last mughal etc), my movies ( from Humphrey Bogart to Satyajit ray..to Shyam Benegal to Ingram Bergman) to Indian economics..not to forget music and history too...but the sad part is I'm no where near any of this.. infact all of the above is just names dropping... Ignorance continues to be scandalous...

Well thoda zyada hoo gaya I know  I know J..never the less just had dreams  to be as confident  and not be declared as dumbskull..and doormate  to anyone.

And I continue to while away time... when I should be spending more time reading and talking...balderdashing is more like it... and things are actually improving, people are coming forward to help my case..the spirit of altruism still exists...

PS: it’s not such a bad world after all :)

Confidence it’s the simple word what speaks from the eyes of the people and smile speaks its only required in this world to tackle to shackle  any obstacle’s  in life Hope God provides us such confidences in any adverse situation of our life ki Nai friends sahi  hai na ..and All we  ppl’s have our nervous time but we have it come up and battle this world..WE All  have that in ourselves just we have to see it :-)

My short life line.

Whenever people with a little bit of knowledge in palmistry, look down at my dainty hands with eyes all screwed up in concentration, all they manage to comprehend looking at the small and big criss-crosses on my palm, is that i have a very short life line and that my life would be fraught with mishaps and problems, not like i couldn't make that out on my own. But as a kid, such sooth saying on behalf on my friends always scared me, and I could always find my lil heart pounding at such prognosis, especially when it came with a smirk and sometimes with sympathy, as if i was to pop of the surface the very next moment. It always scared me to think of the proposition that I'd die early, without having lived the usual life. A life where I'd be earning, going with shopping sprees with ma, buying her sarees, making Papa proud, seeing my cousin lil sister get married etc.

To think that one fine day while crossing the road I'd have a car or a bus or a truck *scared* bash against my body, leaving my body in smitherins, barely recognizable, mama papa inconsolable or probably a scab growing into a huge gangrene of sorts, infecting my blood, killing me slowly, with me looking into my imminent death, crying silent tears into my pillow everynight, braving a smile everytime my friends visited, with syringes piercing into my body. As a kid with all the thinking that I did, I'd turned into a sadistic personality who derived pleasure from her own wretchedness, covering down at the rebukes by teachers, who i dont know why deried pleasure at calling me a numbskull, probably if not directly but subtly hinting it.

As to the crisscrosses on my pudgy palm, i dont know whether they hint at my luckless life (luck i know is relative). A life where I wished i'd spent more of my formative years with Ma, doing the mental maths problems she gave me, listening to AIR or watching 'chutti-chutti' on doordarshan, on our black white philips television set, instead of the humungous number of maid servants i spent my childhood with. my colloquial oriya accent is to their credit, where in I was made a guinea pig to their foray into cooking.. How I longed to cuddle up in ma's lap when I got back, instead of watching scooby doo while i had lunch. to come all bright eyed home to tell her i had scored the highest in maths.

Those days are long gone, now that I've already lived twenty years of my life, and with maturity finally having seeped in, that this was how it was always meant to be and that a short and sweet life is all that mattered, where you did your part inspite of the unfairness doled out to you, while keeping your inherent goodness intact.

ps: Just refreshing my old stories ,warming up my writing skills.. :-)

DREAM Being Independent

finally back to bloggin ...and basically I could'nt really think of a good title...Anyways many things have happened through this week that kinda got me thinking about the whole good looks debate..

My pre placement training is just ending up with a great note performing to my level best that’s make me only me my inner satisfaction than any  one else..last few days of mine I have learned the only thing we have concern about it Our self.. and to see any one happy is U..so strange so true .performing very nicely in GD or mock Pi and seminars ..well with a high note  made me confident and dreaming to think about in future.  :)

Last post I have been mentioning and wondering about this pre placement talks ..what will go and be in formals it’s the most Hercules task for me.. The pre placement talk in our collage and seminars blaa blaa  what I been telling was be been attended and companies just started yet  to come  with in 2 months all IT companies top most companies in our country oho and what gives me the feeling of being from outter space, with the loud talk on some gibberish computer language and how my fellow batch mates have figured things out so well in their lives and ofcourse their pompous asses just fart their way through the ramble.. but fact is I’m now confident the way I was feelin the same I’m getting now after this week passed.. I think I can handle it now. To cover up the things which I need to work on.. performance matters in practices I did It hope I will do will in match :)

learnt the hard way through life... life's not milk and roses...i meet a coconut man who was selling coconut or we can naaril pani wala near by my campus well he said one interesting facts about life in his way= life is just like a coconut its hard from outside and inner its very soft so we have find our softness our comfort zone and how to make life to live on happily that’s we have to decide . life's a precarious balance... everythings in transition and ever evolving... relationships emotions people, they all change your opinion your way of fitting in..love friendship relationship blaa blaa . flitting in as well changes... you learn some things just don't deserve such scrutiny, don't deserve so much thought ... they are better off being left alone... and if things are to really stay in the long run, they'd eventually return back in...

Well the wish to be independent is growing by the day. The idea of earning my own money, spending it the way i want to. Having my own pad to myself, doing it up my way. I wouldn't mind coming back to an empty home, cooking up for myself. Working through the night or just crashing. Having my friends over for the night and talking through the night. But all of it from my own hard owned money, no penny passed down to me. Buying a hatch back for myself, sedans or SUVs never worked for me.

Apart from all of the material aspect to being all to myself, I'd like to fend all for myself. Learning to live in a new city, meeting new people who are not even remotely related to my past. I'd want a new beginning starting from scratch. From finding my own accommodation, to locating the local kirana store, to finding a good book store or/and library and a cafe. And I guess I'd not want any men in my life then, at least nobody I could reach out to immediately, I'd want to deal with my own upheavals, my own happiness, cross roads on my own without this instinctive grab for an arm (my hand does have a mind of his own), ask my friends.

Watch the kind of movies I have so long missed out on, go for theatre (probably 'befriend' a cute theatre actor) and classical music concerts. Buy my first dress from my own money. And with my independence I don't want to loose myself either, I don't want to turn fickle. And most importantly have space of my own, a place i can call my own, where the mess and orderliness would all be mine. My space would reflect the way I chose my life to be and the person I was. Have a window with a ledge and no graillings, have shelves and shelves of books and a coffee mug and a low level bed and plants in the balcony especially creepers is what I'd love, A balcony where i could soak in the rain and watch kids play in the evening and reminisce the insouciance of childhood, read poetry by the window. Sigh. So much for my romanticism and so much for my dreams. And my dream city in India would be banglore for sure... I'd love the mystique of the city, the decrepit look it bears but still carrys aristocracy with elan. The beauty in imperfection which it so perfectly embodies.

 Ps : soo  I will be loving this romantic season of tip tip barish and Hope life goes on like this with high note and this rains makes every one life with lot more purity in their approach and thinking till then.. 

try to be all independent and being wake up from all dependent-ed scale. :)

advance HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO ALL >> being dreaming of  own independance  will not help our nation we should look for our betterment of our country if we are dreaming for india 2020 .hope my fellow being lovable friends will surly make a statement with PM.Sir ManMohan singh ji   this time. hope we are grow up a greater nation for sure  with lots more potential in every fields wether it may be writing or to space technology .. Being Independent and have to use the power wisely..

being an indian kid fan of bollywood masals movies well waitin for EK THA TIGER on independence day:) 

Cya..:)

Of rains and rains its goes and my insouciance.

Had the most beautiful evening of my college life , thanks to vickyy and hema bhai company .. The walk to the mba canteen in the light drizzle & rains and rains..with Micey and vickyy and then being joined by hema bhai hilarious with his Rum pack  .:). the talk of our childhood, about cartoons we returned home to... the days of doordarshan and then the advent of cable tv, cartoon network, tales spin, Mowgli, powerpuff girls, dexter... Yesteryears spent enjoying Govinda movies, the absolute surrealism reeking on catastrophic flights of imagination of Indian cinema, the hideousness we went gaga over and then the slow refining of tastes in movies and music alike or just looking at the moving rain laden clouds, watching the playful flirting of dogs.and the politics in our country had made our conversation lot more spicy :)

 

    The talk of what our lives had become now, the run for a job, the absolute shit holes we were in right now, we all had our share of problems, and ranting was all we could do... that was what I was doing more... Our ruminations on life and our inadequacies... And then the downpour, and the run on a whim to get drenched... we were soaking wet by the end of it all, jumping on puddles, splashing water on each other... It was all so beautiful... never had I enjoyed the rains this much... And all this when exams were just a week  away and we'd not even started studying for 1 paper IDC.  I guess just added more to the fun factor..

     And then the luke warm maggi in the canteen... Life couldn't make any more beautiful experiences... It was sheer bliss... the face towards the inky blue night sky and the feel of rain drops on my face... And you realise how what we run after is so shallow, so frivolous but important for the fact that it was part of the real world and there is no running away from the toil of life... You can only give back when you have something in hand... for all my romanticism an empty hand can give nothing...

When rains stopped had gone to hostel and spend a little time with bj and chinmaya  and the evening gone lot more beautiful n brighten  with having veg.pokadora and gol gappa’s  in the near by my campus thanks to  chinmaya  for  veg.pokadora tasted yummy. ohoo my taste bud burned too with eatin soo fired up pokadora garam garam ..luks lyk these rainy season is just belongs to me after getting wet enjoyin little warm aah that’s fantastic ..

    And then the drive back to the master canteen station with rapunzel, with the music on high, karoaking to the songs, through the pot holed roads, again in the rains... its been beautiful... loosing myself to the deluge and the greenery, watching wet birds take flight, a scared wet mongrel run for cover... Could life get anymore idyllic..probably if I had a job in hand as well... that is how cruel life can get.. sigh... :)

ps :"May it rain again...
 May there be more such evenings..."

I hope -"Ummed pe duniya kayam hai" -:)

So where we are and now it’s the last  of June , aah ya things have started going for me in my way..and mostly its lords month “jai jagannath “

Last month was been pretty mix up  it’s been while I have started taking so matured decisions in my life..yoo its pretty interesting I must say J well life is been good for a while now I have been now back to my normal spaces so call happy oriented being so alone and lonely what I always supposed to be and love to be.. things have changed little bit from a curious unstable guy to now  a  relaxed  person i’m getting what I want to do.. I’m just so clear about what things are moving on my life …well june is been quite a month for arrivals for Rainss ohh  ya rainy season arrived my best I don’t know I just LOVE rains because its just after the bullshit Summer I hate summer  its where the  atmosphere was burning out and every where people were getting pissed due to that thundering summer  earth was so heat up …for me it was relief  personally becz I can’t take summer its soo hot to adjust to this atmosphere well-being an  Indian kid I’m unable becz last month or soo the earth was burning like I don’t know no words to describe the sweat and pain heat yak.. season , where its unable to adjust ..i’m frankly.. I’m happy monsoon arrived..and now the  surviver Tip tip barish  . I love the first rain just after the Summer , I LOVE RAIN!! The dark sky, thunder, and the smell!..RAINY DAYS make me HAPPY! 

Well last month was been perfect for me Rainy days are perfect for cuddling up with a warm blanket, my laptop, a good book, the remote and a nice cup of something warm! Soooooote raho aur soone doo dosto enjoy the rest  its all sleep and sleepin..and hanging around with my best of buddies chilling with them how to deal life next ,talking to the most likeable person in my life  who can understands me and my feeling and taking out some tips from them ..

A break from the life that I am leading... Probably things ain't that bad, or but you know what they aretill you see them on your face like some really disgusting face pack... Wish i could write a bit of poetry... but if wishes were horses, I'd be the stable owner... everything eludes me... marks, love, luck, poetry, good sense blah blah... the ability to talk utter shit alll the time, to sound witty, to sound profound... god damn everything... hmmmmm... 

The pre placement talk in our collage and seminar will be been attended with in 2 months all IT companies top most companies in our country oho gives me the feeling of being from outter space, with the loud talk on some gibberish computer language and how my fellow batchmates have figured things out so well in their lives and ofcourse their pompous asses just fart their way through the ramble. Looks like “yeh bhend pe sabse piche hum khade “

So lets come to reality now..well Life has not been smooth for me. will that what life it is for every one.and its  all about I have one chance to repay back my last sem hopeless performance is to perform in this sem..will this will make me some relief & I’m desperate time to perform..its high time now. Not taking stress not taking pain and not taking some much of negative from this sem.. I need to work hard simplest thing I can do than to think about my future..! hope I would get a placement  and makes my parents happy..at least well I think I’ m not the best of son for them provably in my point sometimes they always have high expectation from me.. more than my Big sis  where all parents do and compare becz obivious they took soo much of pain and tells us “bête bhaago and compite else u vl be last “  so true words ..without my parents what I will do I can’t figure our really ..yaa they have expectation so high from me.. why I don’t know perhaps they believe on me that one day  there Son gona makes their Dreams comes alive and what effort they have put me to be in rite now in my life will be fruitful one day I just hope I will , well more than me getting inner happiness or getting any success in my life I just want to see my parents at least happy for me ,I have seen those hard days I have seen what my parents have did for me, what effort they have spared for their entire life to make their Son an engineer , honestly I just want to see there smile on their faces .and in my salary I want to give them treat and yaa to my lovely friends  too . god please full fill my dream I have never asked u anything so violently than this..i want to see them happy..and we all want to see our parents happy isn’t and some people thoughts that’s this century is a careless dumb ass who don’t care I mean we don’t care about our parents and their happiness “ I swear if get that man I will kill him/her I will ask what supposed him/her to put that statement to us ..its very harsh ,we do care we do love our parents ..who said it? we don’t..

yaa I can’t count on my parents effort giving me quality education full filling all my needs and giving me their best of  guidance and telling in every sphere of my life that’s what’s right and what’s wrong  in life . well that’s every parents does all will say but I had seen what my parents have did for me , we belongs to simple background a middle class Indian family soo I had seen the value of money of budgets yaa its been a while I had seen it all now hope I could pay them back at least just to say there son is having a job now and will live his life when U’re also not around with them one day , he is matured now to take his decision in his own .i want to prove this to my parents friends hope everyone wants this .

well placement is coming  I hope -"Ummed pe duniya kayam hai" -God will be Kind to me if not for me but for my parents I really wanted them to see happy it’s enough now after 1 year life will take another turn straight to highway I  suppose where its single way there will be  no double side.no looking back and no return . and there will be no stopping for me..

soo for this I have to keeping focusing on just trying to figure out what next turn my life ,I have to work hard .yaaaa !

ps : If we want to have any hope for any situation we just have to do  present favorable for that situation for that much close so that we can able to hope for the next to come..and for that’s  2 words comes “Work hard “

if we want to achieve anything in life for yourself or for any one then just focus on ur’e  Aims and work  hard  , success is yours – Sachin Tendulkar  :)

I hope  this Rain would bless me for  my future and to everyone  their  life’s and those who are reading this at least  “wana say god is kind and will make your life blissful for sure if we believe on what we do and on our self   lines by my maa .

Lord jagnnath will bless all and its rath yatra time now comes its today ..wishing every one  a happy yatra and blissful one ..:) :)

JAGANNATH SWAMY...................... NAYAN PATHAGAMI...................BHABA TUME..............JAY JAGANNATH...JAY JAGANNATH......JAY JAGANNATH

soo  I will be loving this romantic season of tip tip barish till I fall ill so far so good for me till then cyaaa.keep enjoying this season and keep focusing .

Searching for muse :)

well the absence of a muse or source of inspiration  in my life is the reason for the hiatus from writing...for my life no longer thrills...its just way too riddled with unfinished coaching assignments, , pracs, and the like.
And well after an aeon or so i've run out on my list of broken relations broken heart ...and I'm moving on ...i guess its just Mika's "lollypop- loves gonna get you down" song growing on me<3...this sudden enlightenment has been acheived without the "under the banyan act of penance", (sorry for Mr.Buddha, you had to wait that long, although your philosophy of the middle path still does the trick for me). Just learnt loves not found when you go looking for it. It just hits you hard, and boy oh boy!! how much you love the head on collision... And with the sweltering heat you have the guys of our college going in for Aamir khans bald look..but i guess the barbed wire shave is amiss. They say love makes you loose out on sleep,true i guess? but the whole love affliction adds to the mad sucking drive the mosquitoes seem to be on.
The inflation sure is burning a hole in the pockets..the Nimbu pani glasses, in our socity have grown smaller (see the oximoron "grown smaller")... I guess the great Indian Economic joyride is over..the callisthemics of the stockmarket only fill you with more trepidations...the new Humpty Dumpty in town my friends is the 'Bombay stock Exchange' :D...And look at the audacity of the Hindustan Times group to hold luxury conferences, when you have such a huge food crisis plagueing our nation...I'm sure one day even the basic dal is going to become a luxury...when the dal at the PDS stores will start rubbing shoulders with Dolce and Gabbana and the like :p. Are the Fashion epiphanies plutoeing out??? God only knows. Fashion still remains an unchartered territory. I guess i'm kinda liking the whole damp squib look so to say, the ill fitting kurta teemed with an equally loose jeans and a jhola slung by my side, and how can i miss out on my specs, the thick brown frame (they play the ghissu look to perfection) ..i look as at ease as snow in Alaska...
Didnt they say "fashion is so unbearable it needs to be changed every two months". and they also say "change is constant". So where exactly does it leave me? nowhere... everythings a vicious circle, starting from the planetary orbits to the nuptial saat pheras... we just go round and round and round...and thatway my life is now round and round ..damn sucking life .. whom life they just goo away from my life why is soo why can't some ppl can't accept why can't they see a good man who will be there for life long i guess ppl are crazy ,may God have different plans for them .. who cares for now ...

life is mystery and it as-usual continuing and we are moving on and on as Every one every person has its different story in his/her life .. "yeh Zindgayi kya hai sach mein why we ppl are alwz complex mujhe lagta God is playing good games with us as dere is a sayin everyday is experience try to be stronger in serious period i guess i'm matured now and can take my own diss ions myself every bad dissions makes me understand the value of life .. sahi mein galati karo tha samajh mein aata hai if Everyone would learn from there mistakes this world would be better place to live isn't ?bhagwan ji itna bhi maat khelo bachoo ki saat why can't we be happy altime why for any reason our heart is missing someone want someone and that doesn't happen ..if U do what that bhak ask u for that kya  aapka kuch begad jayega bhagwan ji..!:)

Anyways ..lets leave it for now .  
Thats all for now, more of my ramblings are still rumbling , hoping they soon grow in crescendo...so till then ciao :)
ps: Life will be life try to struggle in every moment and don't lose hope or don't get frustrated if anyone get frustrated do share your filling with me i can't help u out but i will surly give u support and make u fill good thats i can do.. if any mistakes is happening try to rectify , everyone can get success if we have believe on ourself chahe jitna bhi yeh life round round ghumta rahe .. hope mat chodna  but always remember onething believe on that great lord bhagwan ji hai i think i will succeed in my life if  a " losser" can succeed  then why can't u guys Umeed pe duniya kaayam hai  I hope  i will get a placement and i want to settle my life bahut gaya yaar yeh padhai. :) :)

The constant in life is change..:)

Well I’m back to flow my emotions by sharing here..last 1month of transition and the result its just 

 the same..as I left out .. my exams are over now  well I’m in relax mode rite now .
.oki its re back my last month experience what went what emotions flows mere zindgayi ki kaahani in last post  Arre Arre “kaahani” se yaad aaya well before exams do the talking to me I had decided to see and saw” kaahani “ the movie let to say In my take it’s the most prolific and well scripted kaahani what a script what an ending more than the performance from gave by stupendous “vidya balan “ the credit more goes to the script writer..oho what a theme to make that kind of movie  seriously I felt really gratified to watch that kind of movie where the show stopper and the power house performer the most dedicated talented vidya balan shows her immense supremacy in big screen I mean what a performance by her truly she rocks and deserved to get one more  national award for this kind of powerful performance ..for me it’s the movie of year soo far..well now lets come to talking point..

   so finally my god forsaken exams are over... I guess I fared just about ok.ok.. And i guess I'd let my results do the talking whenever they come in... 

those exams are really a test for students I don’t think so I mean to sit in exam hall and given a piece of paper where questions where printed and we have to write the answers accordingly  why .? why can’t we write what we had   learned from that subject why can’t we student given any chance to express what we acquired the “Knowledge “ well if we talking about knowledge then that’s question paper in exam doesn’t have any value for me because when I goo reading other chapters its bloody don’t come in the exam and what to expect than to get less grades then to say mark kaam aaya padhai ki kiya is that makes any sense the system should change and we should make them change because when placements all looks for the grade and if grade goes less then your not eligible to sit in the placements rounds now comes second part where the knowledge ? Is marks is more important than knowledge ? well I don't want to continue with engineering anymore or rather with the fucked up system of my college where nothing works.. hardwork intelligence are so alein a term in our college.. or probably I've just not tried enough... whatever the case may be... I am just doing it because i chose to associate myself with it 3 years back...and being an Indian kid I cannot drop out of the system..

for me .Knowledge is the powerful word where knowledge is power anyways .

well Life's been decent enough...my eventful and beautiful third year has come to an end... A heart warming year... A year of many first's...linkup breaks up adjustment sharing  And i hope life continues on this note... But sometimes life puts me in such quandaries... my inability to tell things to people on their face to avoid uncomfortable situations gets to me... for once i want to be real honest with people and tell them this is what I don't like in them... I don't like them commenting on my life, on the way I was, on the way I look... On how I work... I hate it when people pick on raw wounds, pick on my ego, pick on things way too personal for me... I don't like it... Probably you people don't intend to hurt me but somewhere down it pinches me... Some things don't go down well with me... They just don't so spare me... :)

learnt the hard way through life... life's not milk and roses...i meet a coconut man who was selling coconut or we can naaril pani wala near by my campus well he said one interesting facts about life in his way= life is just like a coconut its hard from outside and inner its very soft so we have find our softness our comfort zone and how to make life to live on happily that’s we have to decide . life's a precarious balance... everythings in transition and ever evolving... relationships emotions people, they all change your opinion your way of fitting in..love friendship relationship blaa blaa . flitting in as well changes... you learn some things just don't deserve such scrutiny, don't deserve so much thought ... they are better off being left alone... and if things are to really stay in the long run, they'd eventually return back in...

Now come fourth year... it'll be one tumultous year... the year which would extremely draining... it'l be a year of beginnings and ends... and all we'll be left with is memories... and it'l be the end of college... three years have just flown by...

1st year: where I had lapped I saw no more to fit into first year for lateral entry guy..went in just finding who were to matter... its not me to fit in the system ..
2nd year: I finally made my entry where for me its uneventful year... a year when i found friends... but yet turned into a recluse... kinda avoided company... it was a rather indifferent year...
3rd year: the year I'd always remember...So life's taught me alot come third year... I saw people who I thought were 'friends' going away... And I don't regret their going away... it was for them I found what i did...finding acquaintance and making friendship with them   And I am so happy to see his life finally turned out well... like they say there's always light at the end of the tunnel... I guess my third year was all about friends...  chinmaya,chandra ,satya ,ajay biku,linku ,sujit ,sambit,<shub >.well they are very special friends touched my life in all means thanks buddies well in friendship there is no thanks but take it buddies ..well they did so much of the talking and made me do so  much of it...:) a year that has taught me so much... TERI too, eatopia, Tears, farewells, geology, loner, City Limits, malinga ki kisne koohli and Umer Gul ko kisne dhooli “Virat kohli” , rishikesh, sepia, greys, black and whites, bear hugs, fights, crying, laughs, walks, philomaths, “kahaani”, juice, tropicana, masti rush ins, gush ins, chotta recharge, gol gappas, fests, Holi, pinks, blues, greys, PD, PDAs ..”.i don’t care”,,,”reserved” as limited as where many year before  such was life... probably looking back life couldn't have been any better... a year when i finally felt lucky...where close friends became more close ..

ANd now beckons a year where i seriously hope my luckiness streak continues... and i cut down on my sentimentalism... sigh... hols have started.. and hoping i make the most of it... just need a break for now... probably a week away into the wilderness... away from people i know... so that piece things together and make new beginnings... 

Ps : Hope this Summer break  goes for All pretty well for me too  Aaah its May ooho the real hot month of the entire seasons hope upcoming months may brings lots of new thoughts and new things in every one life  life  tab tak ki liya masti maro chill maroo” lemica” piyooo pyass bujaao  Aaam khaooo  Aaam ki season mein  but mostly do everyone take care of all health because Health is wealth  aur uski liya piyoo my fav. ganne ka juice else  Naaril pani as its summers this tips  I can give :))

Till then  “Swaath Raho Mast Rahoo  Beaath rahoooooo  “

cya :)