last month of this year been blissful..!"Happy new year to all "

lifes been blissful since the last month..obivious no classes no collage no workin hour.. yeah its bit too borin ofcourse..but and I can never thank God enough... I used to always undermine myself... oh I'm the only one leading the dullest and drabbiest of lives i just to myself ? no... frankly I've just been given too much on my platter in such a short period... Found a great friend in the last month... Jiju you've been a great support... and I can never thank you enough!!! And thanks to all my fellow bloggers who've dropped in..and my friends.. really without any support in life we can't do anything as in SRk Airtel add truely showed "Akele hum kuch bhi nai". given me the soundest of advices..and hopes thanks u friends loved to be with u.. You people have continued to keep that smile intact.... thank you!! thank you!! thank you!!! Continue your good work, as I reciprocate the good deeds done to me... its a selfish world out there!! *hugs*
Things to get started and the big task is comin proably in next week or soo as this will be the year's end last week.. well this year is been very up and down in my life.. Things not gone easily may be  i hadn't tryied soo hard.. really my new   resoultion for new year  will be "just be urself Aapna kaam khud karo bhai and don't interfere in other business and don't try to impress anyone.. ofcourse "hard hard work..is the key for sucess " i'm sure this will do every thing.. . my last sem exam is just screwed i know what my fault soo i dn't wana repeat this time i focus fully and desperate to score gud ,thanks this winter vacation i'm able to make up my mind  and feelin relax ,Right now I feel like things are gonna get better from now on. I love this feeling :) I feel happy again ....feelings are really a present state of mind..its so delicate in everyone life.!:)
 hoping the joyride does not end... For happiness only makes you more vulnerable... And i'm scared i just might be back to my old self!! okies guyss..

 HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To all my family and friends.
I hope the new year brings many happy and wonderful wishes to you and your family and friends.
ps: lastly to have a peace of mind i analyses is  all you have to do is be yourself and live the story that no one else can live- the story of your own unique life. be proud. be confident. and most of all, be urself..GOD is with me..thank u god .. i wish new year ,this year gona be my year and be very gud year for all  bas aacha hoo lucky year hoo to bring back  some happy memories. cheers:)

feel really nostalgic

I kinda got down to reading my old diary last night... about my past few years..
the two years through college stared back at me... the stupid me...
 somebody who believed nothing could ever possibly work out the way she wanted in her life...
 the boy who just couldn't move on... kept going through the vicious circle again and again...
making resolutions of working hard for his exams,and telling to himself focus but moving over, about never learning from his mistake ...

 which were broken the very moment they were made... the enumerous crushes through the years...exactly i can't say its crushes its just a likeness..for few mins or soo;-) the misread signs... the small glories... the dreams of being swept off my feet... of finally finding the one... made me feel really nostalgic.... and made me realise how far I'd come... how far my life had come... how I'd matured through the years... picked myself through dire straits... how I no longer was a kid... how I was responsible for every aspect of my life... How I'd come to find the people in my life and what they were to mean in my life... Life's evolved through the various vicissitudes... I am hoping I've improved... For rest..

 life continues to be bright and sundry with the beautiful over cast weather and very cold foggy  just adding to it... so long... will be back soon...
gearing up to back to the grind... hoping I do...

 Yesterday its been a gud day spend most of times in worshiping god .gone.. to almighty...visited different temples and felt very relax ,it's been many days i have been telling myself. to god temples finally so i'm happy for yesterday..!..
my very happy and thank ful to god  giving me another day to see through my life. and quite blissful for him i'm alright
ps: hopefully new resolution new year will make my life more peaceful..

things are not goin well....:(.!!

thrown by-soumya..!!

It's funny how my sabbatical just lasted over a couple of days... Hmmm well right now writing is the only thing that is keeping me going and the comments that come in... its so heart warming the way everybody reached out when I was feeling down in the dumps even though you people don't know me personally... it really feels nice...

So getting on with it... in order to tie up all the loose ends, I ended up cutting all the loose strands... as in went for a hair cut, which has gone horribly wrong... all in my bid to just change something in my life... I am so thankful to man's invention of the tic tacs, the only reason I can bear my sight is because of them...

 And yaa my blast from the past, went horribly awry that too in an aphrodisiac way... But now, somehow the truth no longer makes a difference to me... Don't know why?? As if there's so much shit just waiting to happen, this seemed just a sneek peek into it all... Do I feel the loss? Don't know... Probably when I am all tired and lonely, i'll start missing you... But I'd never have wanted things to take such a turn...

And yaa the most important of all, my last semester was a diaster for me.. i don't want to blame anyone..except me. for  screwin up.. a real mess seriouly oh god..what going on..but this time..i have to score good grades and focus completely on this entire sem.. well i feel life will be good automatically after coming out of this mess.... so that i will be more comfortable & relax.. the way  last sem went, I won't be surprised if i end up at the bottom... SO much for my on goin dreams... WHy don't I just accept the fact that I am inept? That I am not the store house of grey cells that I consider myself to be... When others had their mark sheets full of those darkened circles I just had a few adorning mine... And i know my strike rate's gonna be even more worse... I just make peace with the fact that hopefully I'd not be there to see my dismal performance thanks to my trip and see my numbness being laid bare infront of my college mates... God it was such a bad idea joining with people from the college, I would have been comfortable with a certain degree of anonymity in the class... Atleast you know I'd have more chances of salvaging my pride and not be looked down with a smug look... enviro walen hain inko kyaa aata hai... (Chetan Bhagat inspired philosophy)...although  But life's come full circle..now . I stand at crossroads again... And hoping I will take the right decisions... I don't want any of the love crap... please..and other outside stress shit *..* this time gona fully focus and no more times pass..! life is very simple but casulality makin me in trouble all time.. not  any more..!

Hmmm got back to my friend I'd been missing out on for a couple of months now... And realised how the both of us could find company in the rut we'd found ourselves in... And its fun to get his wise cracks after a long time... I seem to have been missing out on them... his inate sense of humour bowls me over everytime... it appears so effortless... But the humour does get to your nerves when you really need a hear out... So yeah the both us for now are directionless... all the winding roads appear the same... don't know which one to take...

I for one look forward to things changing for the better for once, you know high time things did change... or probably having the strength to deal with what ever more is in store...

So long...

ps: hoping the trip turns out just fine... ohh god please no more screw ups...have to focus on my future and have do well for me and for my parents..!!

some facts about my life...

so here's mine second part about mine..... A tag...
Thrown in by Som

well yeah I have been an absolute lazy ass in terms of doing tags... But don't I guess I wanted to a tag to probably rid myself of this huge writer's block I've been suffering from since long... So here's the tag that enchanting my frnds tagged me for... that is 25 things about me, myself and I... Hoping the soliloquy turns out to be an interesting read... the torture starts now... but have a cup of coffee sit back and relax..and read..!!:)

1.    I laugh too easily... and I mean way too easily... give me the most lamest of pjs.... jokes most devoid of humour and you'll still see a 100 watt dental display... But I guess that is because I like the good deed returned... but ofcourse I see my senility being returned with scowls and head bangs...
2.    I don't cry that easily... but i guess i get affected with every effing thing people have got to say about me... I am not the sorts to say I don't care what the people talk about me, because yes siree I very well do... And its a very prised company which has every seen a couple of tears trickle down... and the blow ups usually happen in private...
3.    At one point in time I was completely glued to the goggle box... to such an extent that I used to screw up my exams because of my addiction... watched the most incredulous of K-soaps...and then I moved on to the more cerebral ones... to the likes of Ally Mc Beal, Grey's anatomy... Dunno never developed a fondness for Friends ever... But now its been close to a month since I've watched a decent soap on tv... 
4.    I so absolutely love music... And I am to all genres... but more attuned to the slower ones... And I love my spicmacay concerts... Find them strangely romantic (ie the ones held in the gandhi park)... And I can do the best of maths questions or numericals with my ears plugged... And I hate people who cannot look beyond rock... and disrespect classical music of any form... And I love my radio and love lending my ear to even the western classical music that comes up on AIR... classical music has this strange capability of pacifying... and quelling all the raging turbulence inside...
5.    I hate double standards... i so abhor them... especially Indian hypocrisy gets to me... I don't want to elaborate because all you'll get is a never ending tirade... I guess I'll dedicate another post to it...
6.    I hate brand conscious people... I understand brands mean quality but branding people for the way they dress is despicable and the worst kind of disrespect to a human being... Who are you to question somebody's dressing sense... Its not you whose wearing them or are you...
7.    I love long walks... walking on winding roads with green brown foliage around... on rough dusty decrepit run down roads... exploring unknown alleys...
8.    make for a really good listener than a talker... If you can make me talk to my hearts content when I am physically present infront of you then you've achieved a herculean task... because my garrulity is at display with a only a few people... I've realised I express myself better when I write... it just comes easily to me...
9.    Among the few things that I so wish to have is real good poetry skills... till date I've written just a couple of poems and which are as hackneyed as they can get...
10.    I so wish to be half as knowledgeable as my dad or ma or my kid sis or you yogi bear for that matter... I am mind numbingly dumb and I so want to hide my face whenever you people test my ignorance..:( I so want to be intellectually sound... I am no where near the epiphany I have for myself...
11.    I don't want to continue with engineering anymore or rather with the fucked up system of my college where nothing works.. hardwork intelligence are so alein a term in our college.. or probably I've just not tried enough... whatever the case may be... I am just doing it because i chose to associate myself with it 3 years back...and being an Indian kid I cannot drop out of the system...
12.    I so want to pursue english at the masters level and it my calling but dunno how far will be able to make that dream of mine successful...
13.    Some years down the line I'd definitely would want to pen down a book which would really go down in history for all the right reasons that is... I don't mind a Pulitzer or an Orange Prize in return for it... that would be the ultimate zenith for me... I want nothing beyond it all...
14.    How can I forget i love chocolates in any form... any brand... nutty, plain anything will do.. but milky bar is a no-no... I love chocolate cakes.... And I can kill for chocolate truffle...
15.    I thank God for all the friends that I've been blessed with so far... because everybody's added that lil flavour in my life... I know I've erred.. but to forgive is stupidity... and you've reaffirmed my belief that birds of a feather flock together...;) you've irritated me but then again you are all that I have got...
16.    I am a big chicken at heart... but I've improved a lot... but I am long way to go...
17.    I am way too diplomatic a person... I cannot hurt a fly...
18.    I hold on to grudges like nobody else does... I might say I've forgiven you but it'll be long way off till the time I really do...
19.    I am really bad with stomaching secrets... Plz never trust me with your secrets or i guess i am extremely whimsical with them... I choose to share whichever secrets I want to share with you... and nothing beyond that...
20.    I love early  mornings... I just love the early morning din that welcomes me... the cool placid breeze, he chirping birds, the scampering squirrels, the slightly swaying trees... the kids all up and ready in crisp white uniforms... the fresh newspaper... absolutely everything does the trick for me...i wake up 4.30 am everyday..i love early morning seriouly.........!!!
21.    phew what else... I am a true blue romantic... I don't like grandiose in terms of romance and love but the subtler and sudden the gestures the more heart warming... probably something like a surprise note or remembering the most off hand of things that I've told you... it works for me...
22.    I think I am very good with assessing people... Atleast I can make out which are the ones I can get along with and the ones I cannot... but then again I guess everybody else can...
23.    I can never understand how looks can ever be a criteria when you are finding your soul mate... I mean can you take a good looking stupid slob for a bf who cannot even understand your underhanded jokes... or two times you... but then again love is blind
24.    I don't believe in love at first sight but definitely there are vibes you immediately get from a person which can make you bond...
25.    And last but not least I think I've made a big decision in a few days time, and I hope to make it work for me and for the individual in concern as well... No screw ups what so ever...
phew that was something... and it felt good writing all of it down... Anybody who wants to do the tag is more than welcome to do it... till then ciao...
ps: ... I loved doing the tag... was kinda therapeutic...thanks..:)