thrown by-soumya..!!
It's funny how my sabbatical just lasted over a couple of days... Hmmm well right now writing is the only thing that is keeping me going and the comments that come in... its so heart warming the way everybody reached out when I was feeling down in the dumps even though you people don't know me personally... it really feels nice...
So getting on with it... in order to tie up all the loose ends, I ended up cutting all the loose strands... as in went for a hair cut, which has gone horribly wrong... all in my bid to just change something in my life... I am so thankful to man's invention of the tic tacs, the only reason I can bear my sight is because of them...
And yaa my blast from the past, went horribly awry that too in an aphrodisiac way... But now, somehow the truth no longer makes a difference to me... Don't know why?? As if there's so much shit just waiting to happen, this seemed just a sneek peek into it all... Do I feel the loss? Don't know... Probably when I am all tired and lonely, i'll start missing you... But I'd never have wanted things to take such a turn...
And yaa the most important of all, my last semester was a diaster for me.. i don't want to blame anyone..except me. for screwin up.. a real mess seriouly oh god..what going on..but this time..i have to score good grades and focus completely on this entire sem.. well i feel life will be good automatically after coming out of this mess.... so that i will be more comfortable & relax.. the way last sem went, I won't be surprised if i end up at the bottom... SO much for my on goin dreams... WHy don't I just accept the fact that I am inept? That I am not the store house of grey cells that I consider myself to be... When others had their mark sheets full of those darkened circles I just had a few adorning mine... And i know my strike rate's gonna be even more worse... I just make peace with the fact that hopefully I'd not be there to see my dismal performance thanks to my trip and see my numbness being laid bare infront of my college mates... God it was such a bad idea joining with people from the college, I would have been comfortable with a certain degree of anonymity in the class... Atleast you know I'd have more chances of salvaging my pride and not be looked down with a smug look... enviro walen hain inko kyaa aata hai... (Chetan Bhagat inspired philosophy)...although But life's come full circle..now . I stand at crossroads again... And hoping I will take the right decisions... I don't want any of the love crap... please..and other outside stress shit *..* this time gona fully focus and no more times pass..! life is very simple but casulality makin me in trouble all time.. not any more..!
Hmmm got back to my friend I'd been missing out on for a couple of months now... And realised how the both of us could find company in the rut we'd found ourselves in... And its fun to get his wise cracks after a long time... I seem to have been missing out on them... his inate sense of humour bowls me over everytime... it appears so effortless... But the humour does get to your nerves when you really need a hear out... So yeah the both us for now are directionless... all the winding roads appear the same... don't know which one to take...
I for one look forward to things changing for the better for once, you know high time things did change... or probably having the strength to deal with what ever more is in store...
So long...
ps: hoping the trip turns out just fine... ohh god please no more screw ups...have to focus on my future and have do well for me and for my parents..!!
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